Disconnect

I stand at the edge of my psychological brink; wobbling from my fears.

I gaze up and glimpse the torrent of pain and agony hit my face like tears.

I slip, falling over the edge into the cold, inky mass swirling below.

I feel a rush of regret as I let out a scream; but the only reply is an echo.

I fight; as I am being pulled under by unseen arms, gasping for air.

I paddle wildly to prevent myself from drowning in the sea of despair.

I allow myself to be carried by the current, falling into a hole I have dug.

I hit the floor, where I find my emotional cord; I grip it and pull the plug.

Schizophrenia

For far too long I have juggled the pieces of my shattered heart.

So afraid to drop them; I march in place as my life falls apart.

I have forgotten who I actually am; a custom facade for all occasions.

I hate my surreal existence of commingled true and false sensations.

Allowing myself to be molded and shaped as punishment for past sins.

Thirsty for serenity, I crumble; parched in the desert of my soul herein.

Is there a solution to my dilemma? I can’t see; as my future seems blurry.

Regardless; all I know is I can no longer be the person I am expected to be.

Vision of Loss

It’s hard to explain how I know but I’ll never see you smile ever again.

I will cherish all my memories of you when you cared for me back then.

I’m sorry I can’t be there by your side but I’ll be there in spirit; praying.

I saw you in a vision; crying out but I couldn’t hear what you were saying.

I awoke shaken and anxious; maybe even heartbroken – I knew you’d die.

I lay there curled up in ball shivering and broken; but why didn’t I cry?

Could it be because I was concerned and all I had seen was but a delusion.

Or did I truly glimpse a painful, unchangeable future and not just an illusion?

Fair Weather Friend

Always there ready to cheer when I’m already smiling,

but always conveniently absent when it turns into a frown.

Always want to be around me as long as you get a laugh,

but you ignore my existence if I’m upset, angry or down.

Always looking for me when you want to have a good time,

but you’re always busy if I don’t want to be your clown.

Always saying you will forever be my shoulder to cry on,

but when I’m swimming in my tears you let me drown.

Split Personality

I exist with opposite polarities; my soul is at constant civil war.

Chaos rules as they wrestle for control; shaking me to my core.

Here; the idealist, a bleeding heart romantic; seeking love’s highs.

There; the realist, a raging cynic; knowing of selfishness and lies.

Half of me cares too much and sacrifices himself to bring a smile.

Half of me doesn’t care at all, wanting to escape and live in exile.

Every moment I struggle to find a balance that will bring serenity.

But this is a hopeless dream as inner turmoil is forever my reality.

I stand here on the verge of madness; head swimming in disarray.

I can’t save myself; but maybe someone else will save me one day.

Disappear

For only an instant; I felt what it was to be like you.

I gaze at the threshold of my madness, in full view.

Love’s seductive warmth of desires overflow my senses.

Only to be rejected; blocked by my invisible defenses.

The familiar cold dead numbness is all I am left behind.

A heart split between joy and pain is my fate; entwined.

There’s no cure for my disease but there is a medication.

Disappearance is the prescription that relieves the tension.

It is only in the act of leaving behind all, that I’m reborn.

This choice is far better the alternative of being lovelorn.

Similar to an illusionist; one moment I’m there the next I’m gone.

Don’t be angry with this choice made for me; I’m only a pawn.

Your Welcome

The natural course of the universe dictates balance.
Whether you agree or not; you must admit it makes sense.
For good there is evil, for love there is hate, for pleasure there is pain.
Every caress has its cold shoulder; every ray of sun has its drops of rain.
What makes you believe you're entitled to a fairy tale happy ending?
While your dreams come true some of us are cursed to suffer never-ending.
Balance must be kept; all must accept the fact that happiness comes at a price.
You are the happy couple just married driving away, we are the birds choking on the rice.
You call us cynical, pessimistic, melodramatic, negative, depressing and not of the norm.
You fault us for expressing our true emotions and you arrogantly try to make us transform.
The suffering of one is a tragedy…the suffering of millions is just a shock…Your Welcome