Vision of Loss

It’s hard to explain how I know but I’ll never see you smile ever again.

I will cherish all my memories of you when you cared for me back then.

I’m sorry I can’t be there by your side but I’ll be there in spirit; praying.

I saw you in a vision; crying out but I couldn’t hear what you were saying.

I awoke shaken and anxious; maybe even heartbroken – I knew you’d die.

I lay there curled up in ball shivering and broken; but why didn’t I cry?

Could it be because I was concerned and all I had seen was but a delusion.

Or did I truly glimpse a painful, unchangeable future and not just an illusion?

Fair Weather Friend

Always there ready to cheer when I’m already smiling,

but always conveniently absent when it turns into a frown.

Always want to be around me as long as you get a laugh,

but you ignore my existence if I’m upset, angry or down.

Always looking for me when you want to have a good time,

but you’re always busy if I don’t want to be your clown.

Always saying you will forever be my shoulder to cry on,

but when I’m swimming in my tears you let me drown.

Split Personality

I exist with opposite polarities; my soul is at constant civil war.

Chaos rules as they wrestle for control; shaking me to my core.

Here; the idealist, a bleeding heart romantic; seeking love’s highs.

There; the realist, a raging cynic; knowing of selfishness and lies.

Half of me cares too much and sacrifices himself to bring a smile.

Half of me doesn’t care at all, wanting to escape and live in exile.

Every moment I struggle to find a balance that will bring serenity.

But this is a hopeless dream as inner turmoil is forever my reality.

I stand here on the verge of madness; head swimming in disarray.

I can’t save myself; but maybe someone else will save me one day.

Disappear

For only an instant; I felt what it was to be like you.

I gaze at the threshold of my madness, in full view.

Love’s seductive warmth of desires overflow my senses.

Only to be rejected; blocked by my invisible defenses.

The familiar cold dead numbness is all I am left behind.

A heart split between joy and pain is my fate; entwined.

There’s no cure for my disease but there is a medication.

Disappearance is the prescription that relieves the tension.

It is only in the act of leaving behind all, that I’m reborn.

This choice is far better the alternative of being lovelorn.

Similar to an illusionist; one moment I’m there the next I’m gone.

Don’t be angry with this choice made for me; I’m only a pawn.

Your Welcome

The natural course of the universe dictates balance.
Whether you agree or not; you must admit it makes sense.
For good there is evil, for love there is hate, for pleasure there is pain.
Every caress has its cold shoulder; every ray of sun has its drops of rain.
What makes you believe you're entitled to a fairy tale happy ending?
While your dreams come true some of us are cursed to suffer never-ending.
Balance must be kept; all must accept the fact that happiness comes at a price.
You are the happy couple just married driving away, we are the birds choking on the rice.
You call us cynical, pessimistic, melodramatic, negative, depressing and not of the norm.
You fault us for expressing our true emotions and you arrogantly try to make us transform.
The suffering of one is a tragedy…the suffering of millions is just a shock…Your Welcome

Inner Demon

“You don’t remember me, do you?” whispers the voice from the dark.

I attempt to follow the voice but it circles me like I’m its prey.

“You failed, now I will show this world that my bite is worse than my bark.”

The further I listen, the more recognizable the voice sounds to me.

“You seem puzzled, let me shed some light; you and I are kin.”

I stand there shaken and dazed; wondering who is torturing me.

“We were once close but you betrayed me; your foul, secret sin.”

Visions flush my mind; I struggle to stay standing, unable to focus.

“Convinced your word was law; you imprisoned me here to die.”

I crumble to the floor; reliving painful memories long forgotten.

“It will be gratifying to watch you break and to listen to you cry.”

I know the voice of my tormentor but his face eludes my mind’s eye.

“It appears your memory has been restored, now look at my face!”

He steps out of the shadows, revealing his identity; I gaze up in terror.

“Now, I will ruin what you hold dear while you rot in this place!”

Soul Fatigue

What is it to be beyond tired?
To surpass physical endurance.
To have an exhausted soul.

My tank is empty, I am running on fumes.

What is it to no longer care?
To look in the mirror confused.
To see one's life has taken its toll.

My tank is empty, I am running on fumes.

What is it to be truly happy?
To be loved for whom you are.
To have a heart full of life and whole.

My tank is empty, I am running on fumes.

I close my eyes, see darkness and feel its embrace.
Here I am free, here I can rest and here is home.
Here I find the peace and love someone stole.

My tank is empty, I am running on fumes.

Whispers in My Ear

You opened up and took a chance, only to be denied.
What did you expect? You stole, you cheated and you lied.
You attempted desperately to fill the emptiness in your heart.
Why do care? Every attempt ends with you alone, broken apart.
You tried so hard to be like them but the silly charade had to end.
How long did you think it would last? Children dream and play pretend.
You started to believe your own lies and forgot you are an empty shell.
When will you learn? In your sick, bitter heart; only coldness dwells.
You laid in the dark, swimming in your regret; waiting to drown.
Where do you think you can hide? Give up, time to shutdown.
You struggled but in the end you willingly chose to succumb.
Who would accept you? You are twisted, weak and numb.

Most Influential

You gave me acceptance, and I gave you judgment.
You gave me hope, and I gave you worry.
You gave me patience, and I gave you frustration.
You gave me your love selflessly, and I gave with strings attached.
You taught me how to smile, and I showed how to frown.
You showed me the good inside me, and I brought the worst out of you.
You were by my side no matter what, and I disappeared at your time of need.
You left this world before your time, and it should have been me.
You knew I’d run away but you forgave me, and I carry the shame.
You asked me to promise that I’d love fearlessly, and I stand here with the scars.
You are always in my heart, on my mind and touching my soul.
You saved me from myself.
You believed in me.
You listened to my whining.
You held my hand.
You kissed my eyelids.
You loved me.
I was afraid to tell you before but I’m not anymore…I love you, always have; always will.

Maybe He forgot about me

Maybe He ignored me as I lay there writhing in awful pain.

Maybe He didn’t hear me when I cried out prayers in vain.

Maybe He looked away as my parents watched this; in dread.

Maybe He wanted me to suffer and die in this sterilized bed.

Maybe He let me have a taste of peace to torture my senses.

Maybe He waited till I was at my weakest, without defenses.

Maybe He hated me when my soul was hurled back to my shell.

Maybe He forgot about me or maybe this is my personal hell.